Tuesday, September 04, 2007

I know it's urine, cause it ain't mine

Weird night out with the dogs today. We were biking along Ashland southbound and had just crossed Pratt. I had the dogs on the parkway, which I might remind is city property, when Macy slowed down to pee. There were several people outside of the building chatting and enjoying the evening. As I could not proceed until Macy finished, I turned and smiled and wished the people a good evening. Macy clearly needed to go and we stood there for a minute or two. A European lady said, "Excuse me!" I turned and smiled to hear what she had to say. "There are people here," she told me. Not really knowing whether the issue was my dog peeing in front of a group of people, my dog peeing on a public parkway or my presence in the midst of their conversation confused me. I turned to her, assuming the issue was my dog peeing on "their" parkway and told her that I was terribly sorry. I explained to her that dogs, like children, have got to go when they have got to go. Another older gentleman smiled and nodded approvingly at this comment. Now I can understand indignation towards those that will not pick up their dogs feces. But what exactly am I supposed to do about urine. If this woman is so upset about dog urine on the parkway, what is she doing about the homeless, the drunk and the wild animals that urinate every day on her parkway. "Let's get rid of the squirrels, the birds, the rabbits and the deer," I imagine her saying. "They ruin my grass on my parkway!!!" Now let me be clear about this. I do respect peoples efforts to beautify their bit of parkway. If someone has spent time and money to plant it attractively, I will not allow my dogs to tromp through the plantings in an attempt to pee or poop. But let's be realistic here. Dog's, despite the comic notions in "Bruce Almighty", cannot be potty trained. It is their natural behavior to traverse territory in a nomadic fashion marking their territory. Some humans do this as well. What do these people expect??? Which bring us to the stupid comment of the week award on Craig's blog. Dorothy (you're not in Kansas anymore) has this to say. Dorothy said... "wowo, this is pretty darn deep for some kid littering. want a solution? stop taping. so what a kid throws litter, maybe whats important to him is not whats important to you. betcha all you anti littering freaks let your dogs pisson anyones lawn. you know what your doing,your adults but yet your dog(s) can piss whereever their wee wees. i think dog piss is worst then some kid throwing litter on the ground, at least i can see it and pick trash up" Thanks to Dorothy for that grammatically correct, spell checked, commentary! Warning all dog owners. All dog owners will hence forth be expected to carry dixie cups to catch their dogs pee. This will be at your own expense as the city is too busy planning thousands of dollars of your tax money for the 2016 Olympic Games. Owners will also be expected to keep a supply of biological waste bags on hand, expense also deferred to the owner as we are using your tax money to build the Block 37 Super station, which will only be used by idiot tourists willing to pay the fare. What do we care, we want to present a strong Olympic presence. Todd Stroger has suggested an on line video, demonstrating how to collect urine in a dixie cup, transport it safely into the bio hazard bag and request disposal. Stroger is presently accepting bids for the infomercial, but says the best bids so far comes from a company named "Two rednecks and a camera" based out of Round Lake Beach, Illinois. They download their video's to You Tube, thereby reducing production costs. This is necessary as the city is currently unable to fund doctors, sheriffs or anyone else on Stroger's most unwanted list.

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